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Friday, February 1, 2008
Now that another man's unborn baby is living in her stomach, Jessica Alba runs the risk of alienating her biggest market - the horny teenage boy.And while the pregnancy means that they won't get to see Jessica Alba running around in her skimpies on film for a while, Jessica has thrown them a proverbial bone by talking at length about how big and squashy her newly-engorged boobs are.
Teenagers, don't wank yourself into a blistered stump just yet - you haven't exactly heard what Jessica Alba has to say yet.
It's hard not to feel sorry for Jessica Alba sometimes. All she wants is to stand out from the crowd but the crowd won't let her. After all, it's not like she's the only pretty, almost-nude girl in Hollywood who churns out films so bad it seems like she's punishing us all for something.
But then Jessica Alba got pregnant - something that finally set her apart from her peers. And then what happened? Every single one of her peers got pregnant, that's what. Now Jessica Alba is back at square one again, having to compete for attention among the likes of Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry and - just to really rub it in - old square-jaw from 24.
So if you were Jessica Alba, what would your next move be? You're right - you'd start banging on about your tits like a woman possessed.
And although Jessica Alba has hinted at her boobies in the past, now it's time for her to describe exactly how massive and round and wobbly and, well, booby her boobies are getting. The Sun reports:
Jessica - who will have her first child with fiance Cash Warren in the spring - said : "I was like: 'Wow, where did these breasts come from?' It was instant. It was great, they're nice, but shocking."
And that's not all - just the other week Jessica Alba was loudly proclaiming that it won't be long until she's got a young mouth clamped to her huge, traffic-stopping, see-them-from-the-moon, marshmallowy boobies:
“Breast-feeding is kind of like the only thing I have been paranoid about - more than giving birth.”
Listen here Jessica Alba - stop it. Stop talking about your boobies. Yes, we know they're gigantic, but we're starting to get the impression that you could somehow manage to shoehorn a reference to your knockers into a serious discussion about international trade deficit, and it's getting old. Enough is enough. Leave your boobies alone.
It'll just make the lecture on how badly the birth messed up your vagina seem less important.
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