Hello Celebritys

Um.. kcool, so I just realized I have been like REALLY serious lately in my blog post, and this one is going to be serious too?

Lately its as if I've been riding a roller coaster... just not a fun one (and i love them. trusttt me), more like one that is crazy and to many ruff turns that leaves you feeling as if you are going to puke...

Due to people's own mess that i guess i let affect me. I know that contradicts what i constantly advise people about their situations but I'm only human after all... There is literally only so much a person can take before they breakdown. And I have. I saw it coming for some time now, but I guess I was hoping that i was stronger than this.

So being on this roller-coaster, I been thinking a lot. About every situation I am in right now.

first being my relationships with my boyfriend, the friends, my family.

secondly...school... or life for that matter. I thought I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life... From the major to whom I want to marry, and now all that has changed. It's like I'm going threw a midlife crisis although I'm not anywhere near being a midlife adult, but i can imagine how they feel now. It's as if the tables have turned... I used to wonder, how someone could be so irresponsible and not know what they wanted to do in life; yet now the stage im in, im so unsure I wonder how i could have been so contradicting. I know that everyone experiences this... this un-suriety in life and love... I just never thought I would be one to.

i've come to realize i don't think you discover who you really are {all} by yourself.
other people point it out to you.

think about it...
you learn new music from other people.
you learn new fashion from looking at other people and the way they dress.
your personality is shaped by the people that surrounds you.
there's ARE things you do by yourself that really defines you,
but others are still part of it.

i believe its because in a way you need an audience in order to present yourself.

i'm so uncertain about myself but i'm not afraid to admit it.
i used to be but what's the point constantly pretending that i'm fine when i'm not?
it's really unhealthy and i'm the only one who suffers.

I pretended to a lot of people that I was extremely happy while dating my ex, when really i was a mess. i'm still a mess from it. but at least i don't let it stop me from living...
i do have a guard up, but i'm trying to not barricaded myself in it. which i'm proud of myself for.
despite the crap that i constantly go through, i think it made me grow up and truly learn about what i'm capable of and not.

and i think thats the most important part of all.
so i thank everyone who made me.
no one is perfect and i'm far from it. but i like hearing from other people that i'm mature, that i got my head on straight...

And i wouldn't have been able to handled anything i've been through the last year if it wasn't for the people in my life.

the good ones and the bad ones.